Shame on me.  It’s been too long since I’ve posted here.  My knee is still causing me lots of pain and my doctors are doing everything they can to put off ordering the tests necessary to determine what the problem is.  I haven’t been able to exercise in almost a month.

During that month, I’ve also had two different out-of-town visits who insisted on trying all the local delicacies of my beloved Bloomington (and, yes, we do have beloved delicacies…).  I can almost feel my weight increasing with the bad food habits and the utter lack of exercise.  I’m honestly afraid of stepping on a scale for fear of what I’ll see when I do.

I’ve also been less than disciplined on MyFitnessPal.  I’ve recorded the last two days, which haven’t been too bad as far as calories consumed.  However, being honest with myself, I know that I misbehaved badly on the days where I haven’t filled it in.

Overall, this is not good.  I so want to lose weight, but I don’t know how to exercise while my knee is in excruciating pain.  The pain is also frequently inducing stress eating.  And have I mentioned the stress I’m experiencing at work?  All in all, it’s not good.  I really need to get back on track.

So, my husband is getting on me to record everything on MyFitnessPal, and it’s sort of depressing.

  • Friday, August 10th= 322 calories over my goal
  • Saturday, August 11th= 268 calories over my goal
  • Sunday, August 12th= 513 calories over my goal

All this is happening with a bum knee so I can’t really exercise.

And my uterus is mad at me right now, and my new work project isn’t going well, and…well you get the idea.  A lot of stress eating.

What’s worse is that my husband is so stinking disciplined with food.  I get so irritated that he won’t ever join me in my misbehavior!  Oh, wait, maybe that’s a good thing.  I guess he’s my food conscience.  He never chastises me about what I eat, but his actions do remind me that I should be more disciplined myself.

Of course, it’s easier for him–he doesn’t have a uterus.

I want to apologize to my readers for being gone the last few days.  Yesterday was perhaps the biggest day of my professional career, and I really had to focus on that report and the presentation to the Board.

In the stress, my blog posts and my diet took a back seat.  Being honest with myself and all of you, I did a whole lot of stress eating and not much healthy eating the last few days.

To make matters worse, something is seriously wrong with my knee.  I’m going in to the doctor tomorrow to have it checked out.  But I’ve barely been able to walk the last few days, let alone do normal exercise.  It was particularly frustrating, too, since I was really in the mood to exercise several times as a break from my work.  Instead I was just cooped up in my office or at home.  Drr…

Today was a crash day.  I had the day off from work and didn’t wake up until around noon.  I wasn’t fully out of bed until 4pm.  (I think I am spoiled by the ability to do so much via my iPhone.)  My eating today has been sporadic and not particularly healthy.  I hope to be back into diet routine tomorrow, but we’ll have to see.  My brain and my body don’t want to function right now.

I love swimming.  It is my favorite sport and form of exercise.  I love watching the elegance of the Olympic swimmers as they glide through the water.  I wish I could do it myself.

I keep telling people that I want to go swimming for exercise.  I feel so comfortable when I am alone in a pool.  The problem is being alone.  I am very conscientious of my weight–even more so in a bathing suit.  I can’t bring myself to go to the pool at the gym and swim in front of all those people to look so much better than I do–and how I want to look myself.

I have the same issues with jogging.  I can’t bring myself to go out and jog in front of my neighbors–even though most of my neighbors are more normal looking than the people at my gym.

Exercising then becomes this viscous cycle for me; deeply longing to do it, but not feeling like I can.  I’ve tried exercising at home, but my place just isn’t that big and it isn’t the same.

Now I am watching the Olympics, and seeing these dedicated athletes fills me with both awe and humility.  I don’t know that even if I had the natural physical gifts of these athletes, that I would have the dedication to do what they do.  I have trouble just sticking to my diet! (Speaking of which, I think I forgot to put in most of my food yesterday on MyFitnessPal.)

My current weight is 232.8.  Seven pounds down and 53 pounds to go!

Wow, did I go over on calories today.  I mean I really went over.  Like 2000 calories when I am only supposed to be eating 1540.  I blame it on social obligations.

After church today we went out for brunch like we always do.  I got my blueberry pancakes and bacon like I almost always do.  (Hey, at least I don’t have syrup on the pancakes.)  Then, and this has been set up for a couple weeks, my husband and I went to a friends house.  Here’s the story.  My husband makes the most amazing mac n’ cheese. I mean amazing.  I told some of our friends about it, and one of them is obsessed with mac ‘n’ cheese, so I volunteered my husband to make some for them.  I couldn’t not eat it.  Okay, I could have eaten less of it, but it’s sooo good.  

In general, my eating on this diet continues to be horrible and I continue to not exercise.  I still consider it a miracle that I have lost any weight at all.  Tomorrow is another day and hopefully with another day comes a day I will behave myself with my eating.

Well, I was supposed to exercise yesterday.  I didn’t.  I got up early like I was supposed to, but neither my friend nor I felt like we had enough energy to exercise.  We were supposed to exercise today too.  Well, I did some intense cleaning today, so that should count as exercise…

I weighed myself today and it was 234.2, just barely below where I was when I last weighed in.  My target weight is 180.  Even though I don’t have a time frame to meet that goal, I would like to lose two pounds per week.  By that count, I should reach my goal in 27 weeks, or February 2nd (assuming my calculations are correct).  So far I have lost almost 6 pounds and I started my diet journey one month ago.  According to my goals, I should be at 131 right now.  But given how poorly I’ve done with diet and exercise, I’m not doing too badly.  My guess is that the only thing enabling me to do as well as I have been has been the raspberry ketone.

Nope, I definitely did not behave myself food-wise today (although I did stay under my calorie limit).  At least I have a good excuse.  A friend was going through a rough time, so we got some pizza and a beer to help her get her mind off of stuff.  Noble cause at least?  Right?

To try to make up for it, another friend is stopping at my place early tomorrow morning to exercise with me before work.  I was really dreading it, but my husband encouraged me that I need to do it if I’m serious about losing weight and getting in shape in general.  (Secretly, though, I think he just wanted me out of the house so he could get some time to himself before he went to work.)

I’m going to be honest and accountable tomorrow with you all about whether the exercise actually happened.  Stay tuned.

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